How did you come up with such a GROUND BREAKING idea?
Bob: Well, while Izzy
was picking at my brain trying to figure out what she should get me for
Christmas.... It just kinda... ya know, came to me. It was an epiphany....
It was like BANG BOOM BOW! And I said “Davey-On-a-Stick”.
Wow. That sounds as if it were really intense!
Bob: Indeed, I was
very...well... I became extremely emotional after I said that. It was like...
I dunno... Like God had smiled down on me and I knew we were going to go
somewhere with this one. I knew this was gonna be our thing.
How do you feel about AFI? How do you feel about Davey?
Bob: Well, to
be truthful... I feel... Well, AFIs’ music touches me. I was really impressed
with their earlier works, but since then my love for them has only grown
stronger. I suppose you could say its flourished.
[Izzy says: “Liar!”]
As for Davey, well, he’s
one of the best, wait, allow me to rephrase this... Davey Havok is one
of the most profound singers in the punk “scene”. He’s so deep. And he’s
got so much personality.
[Izzy: “Are you going to
allow her to keep spewing this bullsh**???”]
Bob: As I was saying.....
Izzy and I surely wouldn’t be where we are today if AFI were not where
they are today. Now we just look forward to tomorrow. Ya know... What else
Izzy, I’ll ask you the same question I asked Bob. Where did this ingenious
idea come from?
Izzy: Well, as Bob
was bi***ing about what I should get her for Christmas for the 5th or 6th
time, she started bi***ing...Hey, why are you writing down all those asterisks????
F**k it... Where was I ? Oh yeah, she was complaining about AFI and the
fog machines they had at the Rancid show because she couldn’t breathe or
some lame sh** and I was like “If you can’t take the fog, get outta the
pit” and she started crying and babbling and said “Daveyblahblahstick”
and I was like “HOLY F***KIN’ SH** B***H. CRY IT UP YA F**KIN BABY. SH**”
and she was like “ALL I WANT [SOB, SOB] IS DAVEY ON A STICK!”. She wasn’t
making any f**kin’ sense, but I knew she was f**kin’ on to somethin’.
I get the feeling that Bob is really the “heart” of this operation.
Izzy: That’s F***Kin’
hilarious. That stupid b***h can’t even suck d**k without using her f***kin’
teeth. Can ya?
Bob: Izzy... when
you say things like that to me... it makes me feel like you don’t respect
me. That is not a good feeling.
[Izzy knocks a lamp over]
Izzy: “F**K THIS S**T
– DROP THE BEAT! YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME LOOK LIKE THE BAD GUY, YOU F**KIN NO
Izzy, I’ve got to ask you the one question everyone has on their minds...
Are you using drugs?
It’s something everyone wants to know. Are you using drugs?
Izzy: F**k you whore.
F**k you, f**k this interview, f**k EVERYTHING. I’m Audi PM5K! I'M STRAIGHT
EDGE YOU F**KIN’ DAFT C**T! AFI RULES!
Maybe we should continue this interview at a later date....
Bob: Yes, I think
that might be best. I’d just like to say, for the record and all, that
we really do love AFI... Really... We just can’t help running with this
idea we have... Ya know it’s like POW!!!! We know what we have to do in
life. We need to reinforce the idea that behind everything there is humor.
If you can’t laugh about things... What can you do? I mean, you’d be like...
all empty... like your life was like... some kinda..... I dunno... Big....