The Interview

Barbara Walters:  How did you come up with such a GROUND BREAKING idea?

Bob: Well, while Izzy was picking at my brain trying to figure out what she should get me for Christmas.... It just kinda... ya know, came to me. It was an epiphany.... It was like BANG BOOM BOW! And I said “Davey-On-a-Stick”.

Barbara Walters:  Wow. That sounds as if it were really intense!

Bob: Indeed, I was very...well... I became extremely emotional after I said that. It was like... I dunno... Like God had smiled down on me and I knew we were going to go somewhere with this one. I knew this was gonna be our thing.

Barbara Walters:  How do you feel about AFI? How do you feel about Davey?

Bob:  Well, to be truthful... I feel... Well, AFIs’ music touches me. I was really impressed with their earlier works, but since then my love for them has only grown stronger. I suppose you could say its flourished. 

[Izzy says: “Liar!”]

As for Davey, well, he’s one of the best, wait, allow me to rephrase this... Davey Havok is one of the most profound singers in the punk “scene”. He’s so deep. And he’s got so much personality. 

Barbara Walters:  Yes, yes....

[Izzy: “Are you going to allow her to keep spewing this bullsh**???”]

Bob: As I was saying..... Izzy and I surely wouldn’t be where we are today if AFI were not where they are today. Now we just look forward to tomorrow. Ya know... What else is there?

Barbara Walters:  Izzy, I’ll ask you the same question I asked Bob. Where did this ingenious idea come from?

Izzy: Well, as Bob was bi***ing about what I should get her for Christmas for the 5th or 6th time, she started bi***ing...Hey, why are you writing down all those asterisks???? F**k it... Where was I ? Oh yeah, she was complaining about AFI and the fog machines they had at the Rancid show because she couldn’t breathe or some lame sh** and I was like “If you can’t take the fog, get outta the pit” and she started crying and babbling and said “Daveyblahblahstick” and I was like “HOLY F***KIN’ SH** B***H. CRY IT UP YA F**KIN BABY. SH**” and she was like “ALL I WANT [SOB, SOB] IS DAVEY ON A STICK!”. She wasn’t making any f**kin’ sense, but I knew she was f**kin’ on to somethin’.

Barbara Walters:  I get the feeling that Bob is really the “heart” of this operation. 

Izzy: That’s F***Kin’ hilarious. That stupid b***h can’t even suck d**k without using her f***kin’ teeth. Can ya? 

Barbara Walters:  Oh...

Bob: Izzy... when you say things like that to me... it makes me feel like you don’t respect me. That is not a good feeling. 

[Izzy knocks a lamp over]


Barbara Walters:  Izzy, I’ve got to ask you the one question everyone has on their minds... Are you using drugs? 

Izzy: What???

Barbara Walters:  It’s something everyone wants to know. Are you using drugs?

Izzy: F**k you whore. F**k you, f**k this interview, f**k EVERYTHING. I’m Audi PM5K! I'M STRAIGHT EDGE YOU F**KIN’ DAFT C**T! AFI RULES!

Barbara Walters:  Maybe we should continue this interview at a later date....

Bob: Yes, I think that might be best. I’d just like to say, for the record and all, that we really do love AFI... Really... We just can’t help running with this idea we have... Ya know it’s like POW!!!! We know what we have to do in life. We need to reinforce the idea that behind everything there is humor. If you can’t laugh about things... What can you do? I mean, you’d be like... all empty... like your life was like... some kinda..... I dunno... Big.... dark.... room......

Copyright 2001-2002 DaveyOnAStick Productions

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